We’ve reached out to his wife who says she doesn’t want to get in the middle of it. Communication is the fuel that keeps the fire in a relationship burning. “Ignore the silence,” Go about your day, … But a long bout of the silent treatment can hurt a marriage and causes loneliness. It is very painful because lack of dialogue or communication leaves the person at the receiving end of silent treatment grappling with questions. Sometimes there’s really nothing to say. In the absence of proper communication, our relationships will turn cold.However, at times, to avoid conflict, many couples resort to the silent treatment. Knowing what you’re dealing with is an important step in being able to handle the situation better. The problems often run deeper than what we see on the surface.”, Related Reading: 10 Signs You Married The Wrong Person. Don’t excuse their behaviour. Take care of yourself. Remember again to try not to take things personally, and offer them your love and support. Here’s everything you need to know about how to respond to the silent treatment with dignity and your self-respect intact. Your partner may not be ready for a conversation but that doesn’t mean you have to avoid critical questions too. This helps create an atmosphere of trust and comfort, where the other person can open up and talk about their feelings honestly. He hasn’t been home when we’ve attempted to visit him. To one partner, the silent treatment is their way of dealing with an argument, but to the other, it’s a sign of shutting down. Don’t worry because you can learn how to respond to the silent treatment in no time. If you are currently seeking answers on how to respond to the silent treatment, then you already know how hurtful and annoying it can be. But it will only set a toxic a ‘who blinks first’ game in motion. Remember, this is a tactic designed to manipulate. Ensure to be polite. Especially if it’s a question of how to respond to the silent treatment from a narcissist. Silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse whereby an individual deliberately ignores the other with the intention of making him/her feel bad or as a … The silent treatment is almost always because the angry person feels overwhelmed by … You might want to use it positively to disengage from an argument but if you continue being silent for days then you could be using it as a tool of abuse. For the one giving the silent treatment, it’s like drinking rat poison and expecting the other person to die. But the reality is, as much as I wish it were true, human beings are not mind readers. When that time comes, take a deep breath, clear your mind, and ask your partner to talk in a private, comfortable place. Why do I have to use my words when people should just know when they’ve done something to hurt me? And in that situation, there are certain things you can do to respond to the silent treatment your partner is giving you. This works as a strategy and a positive one at that. Except in the case of silent treatment manipulation. By giving in to it, you allow your partner to use it against you time and time again. Knowing how to respond to silent treatment becomes imperative not just for the survival of the relationship where this form of stonewalling is repeatedly used as a disarming tool but also for the mental health and well-being of the person at receiving end. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a passive-aggressive form of control and can, in many circumstances, be considered a form of emotional abuse. 1\. Here are a few tips on how to deal with it. Maria Parker May 8, 2020. If you are interested in online counseling, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. The response to how to respond to the silent treatment from a narcissist cannot be the same as dealing with the emotionally-stunted silent treatment from husband for weeks. Communication is the fuel that keeps the fire in a relationship burning. // comments all comments on healingdaybyday channel are held back for review and moderated!!!! Although someone giving you the silent treatment is not your fault, remember that if you have hurt them, or done something wrong, an apology from you would benefit your relationship a great deal. Your email address will not be published. It communicates a ton without saying a word, conveying things like anger, frustration, bitterness, manipulation, resignation, disappointment, and sorrow. Then, use the “sandwich method” of offering feedback. Here are a few tips on how to deal with it. It is a form of abuse that hampers the relationship because it is triggered by imbalance, passive aggression, and irrationality. Responding To A Narcissist’s Silent Treatment Turn the Game Around and Play it Better Have you ever found yourself being ignored by someone and you have no idea why? This helps no one. *Expand* SUBSCRIBE for weekly videos: https://bit.ly/2PRGHvI FOLLOW ME on Instagram: https://bit.ly/2zgbx70 SHOP AMAZON AND SUPPORT NancyTV! Understand What the Silent Treatment IsTo one partner, the silent treatment is their way of dealing with an argument, but to the other, it’s a sign of shutting down. All you need is the right approach and mindset. I find silent treatment to show an inability to deal maturely. How to respond to the silent treatment. Purposely ignoring someone, refusing to listen to them, and icing them out is often referred to as giving them the ‘silent treatment’. Want to know how to respond to the silent treatment? According to Lisa Aronson Fontes Ph.D., many survivors of abuse admit that being ignored and iced out for long periods of time is worse than being yelled at. When silent treatment is used as a tool of manipulation, you know trouble is brewing in the relationship. Silent treatment in marriage is not fair, but even married adults sometimes act like children. “Ignore the silence,” Go about your day, … It is used as a premeditated pre-planned way of showing anger and power over your partner to manipulate them into submission. The best response to the Narcissist Silent Treatment game is to move forward with your common sense leading the way. As a recipient of the silent treatment manipulation, it is not incumbent upon you to reach out every single time. Key things to do when responding to the silent treatment and why: 01 Give the angry party some space. Follow us at: @2020 - All Right Reserved. Your email address will not be published. But it will only set a toxic a ‘who blinks first’ game in motion. 1. There is no need to waste emotional energy fretting over their moods. The silent treatment in a relationship is a form of emotional abuse. // comments all comments on healingdaybyday channel are held back for review and moderated!!!! When a person resorts to the silent treatment, the recipient must try to understand the reason behind it. He is giving you the silent treatment because either he is bored and therefore wants to create drama, or you have caused him a perceived slight (eg. Want to know how to handle the silent treatment with dignity? *Expand* SUBSCRIBE for weekly videos: https://bit.ly/2PRGHvI FOLLOW ME on Instagram: https://bit.ly/2zgbx70 SHOP AMAZON AND SUPPORT NancyTV! It's something I expect from my children, not my SO. How to Respond If the Silent Treatment Is Used to Punish or Control. If a person is dumped after silent treatment it’s even worse because they never get closure. For the one giving the silent treatment, it’s like drinking rat poison and expecting the other person to die. Not only will you feel light and baggage-free but the act will also thaw the ice between you and your partner. However, if they do approach to make amends, do not shut them out with a cold shoulder of your own. Do not let it make you reconsider your actions or your words. And one that can be blurred easily. Before diving into ways to respond to the silent treatment, it’s important to know how to recognize when it becomes abusive. To one partner, the silent treatment is their way of dealing with an argument, but to the other, it’s a sign of shutting down. It has a positive side and a negative one. Traumatic childhood experiences that lead to difficulty in expressing emotions is one of them. Seek the help you need, work toward healing yourself. Wait until he begins speaking to you again, and then address the issue. This helps no one. Silent Treatment = Self-Protection. Life. The person could well be doing so with a sense of silent abuse. Nothing but negative feelings arise from using the silent treatment. Do not blame yourself for their actions, they alone are responsible for their behavior. If you’re looking for ways to respond to the silent treatment from a narcissist or a serial abuser, this is not it. Sometimes silent treatment is a good way of disengaging from an argument and giving your partner time to cool off. This not only works for romantic relationships but also when you’re trying to figure out how to respond to the silent treatment from a friend or family member. He doesn’t have voicemail. Dealing with a potentially cheating partner can be quite challenging to deal with. Discuss different coping methods with your … Believe me, they will do this if you let them. The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. If the silent treatment does not appear to be part of a larger pattern of abuse, a person can try the following approaches: Name the situation. When someone gives you the silent treatment you keep grappling with the feeling what went wrong. 12 Smart And Easy Ways To Deal With A Nagging Wife, Love Me Best! Best ways to respond to silent treatment is an eye catchy post which gives a detailed solution on ways to handle being at the receiving end. 1\. Dig Deep Into the Whys of the Situation Never assume that you know … Don’t call back or text back. An analysis of 74 studies on silent treatment manipulation comprising 14,000 subjects indicates that being ignored by a person who is important to you activates the same region of the brain that responds to physical pain.The emotional neglect and silence from one partner can have a deep psychological impact on the other, triggering problems such as aggression and anxiety. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a question of how to respond to the silent treatment from a friend, family or your spouse. Sometimes there’s really nothing to say. I can’t tell you how many times a day I just wish people could read my mind so I didn’t have to actually express my feelings. Managing it then becomes easy. When having to deal with the silent treatment, it can be a very draining and painful experience. A narcissist wants the target of their abuse, and be in no doubt their silence is abuse, to reach out, plead and beg for their very existence to be recognised. If you’ve been at its receiving end, you’d have found yourself desperate for an answer to how to respond to the silent treatment. Clearly state your boundaries. Not talking to you or addressing the issues are their way of keeping you at tenterhooks. You wait for them to text or call you, and when they call or text you, you address the issue with them. Designed to rob you of control and self-esteem, you apologize for something you never did. It’s a question that often leads to dead ends. But the reality is, as much as I wish it were true, human beings are not mind readers. It is important to break this communication pattern, and there are constructive ways to respond and, hopefully, find a way to move forward that both of you can agree on. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. They just don’t understand why their partner is behaving this way. (Side note: Another positive way to improve your life is to read and learn something new every day. Another key factor is narcissistic tendencies. Don’t validate their actions with a reaction. You can use the ideas described in this article to help you get started on how to respond to the silent treatment. The line that divides healthy distance from arguments and silent treatment manipulation of the other person is often very thin. If they choose to stay silent or walk away, don’t lose your cool. Have an honest conversation with yourself and try to understand which underlying issues are triggering this repetitive silent treatment. You probably feel unwanted right now and unsure of how to fix things. Silent treatment is often used as a means to inflict pain and suffering without leaving any physical marks but its impact is often as lethal as that of verbal abuse. Giving someone the silent treatment can be tough when it's someone you're typically close to, but you can successfully shut them out by being firm and adjusting your schedule. Having to endure the silent treatment isn’t fun for anyone. Understand What the Silent Treatment IsTo one partner, the silent treatment is their way of dealing with an argument, but to the other, it’s a sign of shutting down. If you have reached out to your partner and they are giving you the cold shoulders, once you’ve recognized that they are giving you the silent treatment, you should not respond to it. Don’t call back or text back. It can be used both as a positive and a negative strategy. When you’re wondering how to respond to the silent treatment, remind yourself that you are being mistreated yourself. The impact of such forms of abuse is often hard to identify but very deep. When your significant other refuses to speak to you or even acknowledge you, it’s not only infuriating but might also affect your bond. Related Reading: 12 Smart And Easy Ways To Deal With A Nagging Wife. In this video, I go into why narcissists use the silent treatment and how to respond to it. We’ve all been taught to not engage in discourse when tempers are soaring. “Thus, silent treatment manipulation is a marker of an unhealthy relationship. Find the root of the problem . Sadly, the silent treatment often works as intended because it’s so unbearable, and people will do anything to make it stop. In the absence of proper communication, our relationships will turn cold.However, at times, to avoid conflict, many couples resort to the silent treatment. It is tempting to respond to silent treatment with the silent treatment of your own. Don’t react emotionally. Except in the case of silent treatment manipulation. Consider professional therapy. State clearly that you’re prepared to talk when they’re ready, and leave it at that. There is no need to waste emotional energy fretting over their moods. Do Not Try to Argue With Them. On the other hand, silent treatment manipulation borders on a form of emotional abuse. Do not respond to silent treatment with silent treatment. I’m guessing that every spouse has given or gotten it at least once. But if giving the silent treatment has become a habit for your partner, then you should refuse to become the victim. Even though the perpetrator of silent treatment will make you believe so, you’re not to blame for their behaviour. Even if it is, keep it to yourself and try to find something else to occupy you. If you want to know how to respond to silent treatment in relationships, well, the best way is not to respond to it at all. There is always an underlying cause for people to resort to this kind of behaviour. The Best Way to Respond to the Silent Treatment When your partner gives you the silent treatment, what it means and what to do. How to respond to the silent treatment from a narcissist or a serial abuser? If you are interested in online counseling, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. So, shake off the blame and focus on healing yourself. Let’s understand what silent treatment manipulation means, how to spot it in a relationship, and ultimately, how to handle the silent treatment with dignity. But try you must. Les Carter, Ph.D. That means the intent to make amends is missing. It also occurs when one of the partners decides to ‘sulk’ or become … The silent treatment is the refusal to engage in verbal communication with someone, often as a response to conflict in a relationship. Sometimes a partner gives silent treatment because they do not know how to process their own feelings in that case opting for relationship counselling is a good idea. From experience, I know how challenging it is to deal with narcissists and their manipulative behaviour. Developed and Maintained by Creative Brains. It communicates a ton without saying a word, conveying things like anger, frustration, bitterness, manipulation, resignation, disappointment, and sorrow. Dig deep into the reasons for the silent treatment. Directly respond to the silent treatment with calmness, and talk to the person kindly. A journalist by profession, Arushi Chaudhary has ventured into freelance writing to be able to do the two things she loves most – writing and spending time with her two-year-old bundle of joy. They could keep apologising and asking what’s wrong, but the partner would stay mumb and not reply. Defining the Silent Treatment – How to Respond to the Silent Treatment. Using words (or lack thereof) as a weapon against others is unfair. The psychology of silent treatment is complicated. To sum up, if your partner gives you the silent treatment more than you feel is reasonable, look inward at how much support you provide for your partner’s self-worth. Or how to handle the silent treatment with dignity? The Silent Treatment. The Wife Who Had To Be The Centre Of Attention. But if giving the silent treatment has become a habit for your partner, then you should refuse to become the victim. Les Carter, Ph.D. 6. If your loved one is hurting you through this unhealthy form of communication, it is important to let them know that you will not tolerate it. “When used positively it acts as a strategy to communicate displeasure to help motivate to change undesirable behaviour in a partner. Then, apologise for them. This kind of silent treatment is not aimed at mending or improving the relationship. The crux of this approach is to use positive reinforcement through ‘I’ statements instead of blame-shifting through ‘You’ remarks. The silent treatment is a well-known technique often used by men and women who seem to possess excellent self-control and promise to be more logical than emotional. Avoid letting the silent treatment get the better of you. In such situations, waiting it out can often prove to be the best approach to make the other person see the impact of their actions on you. The more you facilitate your partner, the more your relationship will grow up. When not writing, she likes to spend her time in the company of books and food or hitting the road to explore new places. How To Disarm Silent Treatment in Love. Do you want to stay in such an unhealthy relationship? How to respond to the silent treatment in a strong and healthy way. Once I realized just how much my ex-husband (the Narcissist) was using the silent treatment to “control” me and put me back "in check”, then I tried to adjust my reactions to it. It is tempting to respond to silent treatment with the silent treatment of your own. Best ways to respond to silent treatment is an eye catchy post which gives a detailed solution on ways to handle being at the receiving end. How to Respond to the Silent Treatment? Speaking on the effects of silent treatment on the one at the receiving end, she says, “Silent treatment is the perfect weapon that an abuser can use to punish you. In this article, you will learn more about what the silent treatment is and get 14 strategies on how to respond to the silent treatment effectively and without turning the conversation into a major argument. Required fields are marked *. So, instead of ‘You always do this!’ try ‘I want to understand how we can make this better’. Like gaslighting, silent treatment is also a kind of manipulation where a person is withdrawing communication to manipulate and control their partner. A third person perspective will straighten things out. The silent treatment is one of the most common warning signs of relationship problems because it’s so easy for couples to fall into the habit of doing. Want to know how to respond to the silent treatment? Do not beg for their attention. Psychologist Mallika Pathak agrees. They may not accept right away, but as time allows them to cool down from their emotional tantrum, they will likely … The Wife Who Had To Be The Centre Of Attention, 12 Warning Signs Of Gaslighting And 5 Ways To Deal With It, Rose Colour Meanings – 13 Shades And What They Mean, What To Write In A Sympathy Card When Someone Loses Her Husband, 5 Ways To Deal With A Guy Who’s Not Ready To Commit. However, this time-out to cool down should not be confused with the tendency to freeze the other person out by giving them a cold shoulder. How do you respond to the silent treatment. If this is just the first time that your partner is giving you a silent treatment, be calm and kind instead of reacting negatively. Believe me, they will do this if you let them. If you think that your partner deserves a chance because they are otherwise loving, caring and concerned but this is the only issue in their character, then you can look for ways to handle it. “They are choosing not to be open and communicate their feelings or their grievances with the individual. Call them out on it instead of taking it quietly. How to Respond to the Silent Treatment. It’s designed to infuriate you, create panic and worry, make you question everything you said before the episode happened. It is one of those underrated paradigms that can work its magic in reinstating love and faith even in crumbling relationships. Don’t plead with your partner. Left unchecked, it can cause irreparable harm to the relationship as well as the person who’s forced to deal with it. Giving someone the silent treatment speaks volumes about your character. Do not respond to silent treatment with silent treatment. Dear Joseph, A couple of months ago, my father stopped answering phone calls and texts from my siblings and me. How To Respond To The Silent Treatment? The Silent Treatment. How do you respond to the silent treatment. If it’s part of abusive controlling behaviour, you need to let the other person break the ice. Whatever you do, do not show them that their silent treatment is effecting you. Couple relationships…the pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. These tips may improve your life and all of your relationships. Related Reading: 12 Warning Signs Of Gaslighting And 5 Ways To Deal With It. This account of a 40-something woman in therapy who is contemplating divorce only because she can no longer put up with the silent treatment manipulation being meted out her by her husband, perfectly sums up why this behaviour qualifies as emotional and mental abuse. The latter falls in the category of silent treatment – an abusive tendency that does more harm than good. … 1. Ensure to be polite. Crossing the line to hit below the belt in a heated argument can quickly become the source of deep-seated resentment in relationships and not knowing how to respond to silent treatment can also make the situation worse. Usually, the silent treatment has been ingrained in an individual's personality as a way to cope with difficult emotions, according to the staff at eHarmony. And in that situation, there are certain things you can do to respond to the silent treatment your partner is giving you. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for couples everywhere! Why is the silent treatment an abusive control tactic? He no longer expresses his love as he used to, but I am marrying him for a reason, Has Your Husband Checked Out Emotionally? Yes, we’ve all heard the proverb ‘diamond cuts diamond’. It is often enough said that effective communication forms the basis of any good relationship. The silence at the dinner table, in the bedroom, at breakfast becomes harrowing after some time. Remember there is no substitute for effective communication in a relationship. 8 Ways To Get Out Of An Unhealthy Relationship, 11 Relationship Arguments That Spell Doom For Your Bond, Ignoring Someone You Are Attracted To? Silent treatment in relationships often shakes the very foundation of the bond you share and yet, it is imperative to work on it for making your relationship stronger and healthy. On the bright side, it’s not a problem that cannot be tackled. So, the answer to how to win the silent treatment may well lie in letting go off your grudges. All this will lead to is widening of the distance between you two, and prove detrimental to the relationship as well as your psyche. The previous example with the narcissist illustrates that whoever is giving you the silent treatment wants to cause you emotional pain. How to confront someone who is giving you the silent treatment? He is giving you the silent treatment because either he is bored and therefore wants to create drama, or you have caused him a perceived slight (eg. I can’t tell you how many times a day I just wish people could read my mind so I didn’t have to actually express my feelings. As such, any relationship where silent treatment manipulation is the norm suffers from poor communication, diminished intimacy, and deep-seated resentment. Not only should you give this person the silent treatment in real life, but ignore any texts, phone calls, or messages over social media as well. If the silent treatment is taken too far, it’s becomes emotional abuse. That’s to say it may profoundly harm the individual on the receiving end. Call them out on it instead of taking it quietly. How to Respond If the Silent Treatment Is Used to Punish or Control. In its milder form, silent treatment could be a simple act of sulking and harmless seeking of attention. It makes you feel invisible, unworthy, and maybe a little bit sad or angry. Except in the case of silent treatment manipulation. The reason for this is that when one shouts at you, they are still voicing their thoughts and expressing their feelings. Find the root of the problem . “Sadly, the latter is a more predominant form of behaviour. Instead, occupy your mind space with an activity you enjoy. How To Respond To Narcissistic Silent Treatment. One of the best ways to respond to the silent treatment is to respectfully offer safe and healthy communication for when the person is ready to set their fears aside and discuss things politely. Here are some ways to respond to the silent treatment. 3. Remember, this is a tactic designed to manipulate. Try to approach them another time. The Sandwich Method may well be your best option. From experience, I know how challenging it is to deal with narcissists and their manipulative behaviour. If you want to know how to respond to silent treatment in relationships, well, the best way is not to respond to it at all. Related Reading: 12 Ways to Fix A Toxic Relationship. Someone who is giving you the silent treatment is probably someone who is incredibly angry with you to begin with. In all honesty, you would probably rather be yelling at each other for hours instead of being left alone without a single response to all of your efforts. 4. The silent treatment psychology can come from a toxic childhood, narcissism or a person’s inability to process their emotions. Make it a point to keep your demeanour calm and gentle, and make the other person feel comfortable with pursuing the conversation. Silent Treatment = Self-Protection. It’s manipulative behaviour and a very unhealthy form of communication. I’m guessing that every spouse has given or gotten it at least once. (Don’t confuse the silent treatment with no contact which is a process undertaken to protect ourselves, to give us time to heal and recover, not to punish or hurt anyone). By giving in to it, you allow your partner to use it against you time and time again. It is tempting to respond to silent treatment with the silent treatment of your own. If the silent treatment is taken too far, it’s becomes emotional abuse. That being said, silent treatment should not be confused or interchanged with any attempts made by an individual who is taking some time to cool off after an argument/fight.”. Not reply that effective communication in a relationship burning after silent treatment party some and... Tips on how you ’ re using silent treatment you how to respond to silent treatment grappling with the treatment! 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