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If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Decomposing. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 189. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. 192. 39 funny positive affirmations. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? A gummy bear. 56. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 266. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Life is becoming easier and less serious. 90. 210. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. 112. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 2. 119. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. 262. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. 84. 134. Wilson Mizner 212. 104. We all need a little energy boost here and there. 105. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. Not me, but somebody does. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. I enjoy every minute of it. Only two more days until Friday.". I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. 63. 74. 239. East. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut., 6. I dont want to fix my spending habits. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Robert Bloch. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. 53. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Friday Affirmations. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 19. 108. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. 267. Sincerely, yourself., 2. 228. avoid carbs. I honor that time. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. 7. 91. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Funny Friday Quotes. So far, so good. Ken Dodd People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 256. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 208. Ken Dodd, 255. - TS Eliot. 135. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. 85. Paul Ehrlich 142. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. 75. 31. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. With a cowculator. 117. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 184. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. Because he was always spotted. Jackie Collins, 240. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I understand success cant happen overnight. Why was six scared of seven? Lily Tomlin I did not trip and fall. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 249. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Life always offers you a second chance. 65. Live life to the fullest. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 279. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. I believe in what's possible for me. Keep your affirmations in the present. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Bill Murray, 257. 8. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 94. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Steven Alexander Wright The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. You can only be young once. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. 202. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. 177. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. In between, I am alive. 3. 158. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. What do computers eat for a snack? I tell you what always catches my eye. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. The library, because it has so many stories. 57. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . All you need is love. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 46. Oh sheet! Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. 26. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Find a quiet place without distractions. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. 124. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. I have a lot to offer. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 133. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. 154. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. Wonderwoman: single. I wish my wallet came with free refills. It gets toad away. 185. 102. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Charles M. Schulz. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. 72. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. 114. -Katrina Bowden. 161. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 137. 275. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 2. 5. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Bill Murray Frances McDormand 7. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! 16. 150. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. 21. Because seven ate nine. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. Does it count if you say them in your mind? 101. 4. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. - Unkmown. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. What is Mozart doing right now? God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Bill Murray Because it was soda pressing. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. Snowballs. 239. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident.