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Secondly, I know better than you whether she is pregnant or not. Pregnancy is only easy on some women, for others, there are pregnancy jokes. He: About what child? Woman: No No No! Effective Ways to Be Happy During Pregnancy Lifes a piece of shit,When you look at it.Lifes a laugh, and deaths a joke; its true.Youll see its all a show.Keep em laughin as you go.Just remember that the last laugh is on you. The following dark jokes are treading a fine line, a fact that only serves to make them even funnier. Sometimes, a knock-knock joke doesnt help lighten the mood and the only resort is to crack a few jokes about things that normally shouldnt be laughed at like death, disease and depression. I am pregnant, which means I am sober, swollen, and hungry. Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. -. Sorry, I thought of that last night and just had to share my genius with the world. Sports This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Not if you change the babys diaper very quickly. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, buttocks, and even my feet have grown. First off, dark jokes take subjects that are considered either offensive or uncomfortable and turn them into a joke. He's an idiot! eructs the woman. A pregnant wife called her husband: Dear, is it okay if we only have eggs for dinner? 87. Guy: No I'm sure it didn't. When will my baby move? Celebration The information on this website is of a general nature and available for educational purposes only and WIFE: Second: No you're not, Wife:Hey Honey, I'm Pregnant So I unplugged his life support. When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed. Your Then she tells her husband: Honey, there will be three of us soon! Its sarcastic and dry, and often their offensive jokes are delivered in such a way that you dont realize they are offensive until its too late. Aarohi Achwal holds a bachelors degree in Commerce and a masters degree in English Literature. A deliberate simplicity and a directness that cuts that much shaper, yet at the same time, more entertaining. A guilty pleasure to some could be grabbing a sneaky hamburger or (for those in the UK) a cheeky Nandos. When you wake up and throw up, is it because youre nurturing a human life? But he's an idiot! Witney Carson Jokes About Still Being 'in a Diaper' Nearly 2 Weeks After Giving Birth By Jennifer Drysdale 3:46 PM PST, January 16, 2021 This video is The father was irritated. Scanner looked at him seriously and answered with silence: Your sons gender is a girl. dark jokes about pregnancy. Then the guy replies: How? What did he name the girl? Doctor: Good! I used to work on an assembly line making pregnancy pamphlets, but I quit. To pee or not to pee is never the question. Summer You arent fooling anyone, youve been showing for months. After that, she replies: Yeah, so its you? Ans: Take the toothpaste and go brush in the room, I have to pee! *1 minute later* WHEREs THE TOOTHPASTE?!. Theyre always so twisted. Then he replies: I would like it if it does not affect your figure, a bicycle. Everything. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. Workplace. "Usually an overdose," I told her. A man is thinking about a pregnancy test and suddenly remembers how his mother used to say as a child, putting on pants on him: Son, remember, two stripes are a fool! I felt like a frat boy. Katherine Heigl, Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. Why? My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, Youll be next! They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals. From silly prego humour to the underlying taboo that comes with pregnancy and motherhood, get ready to explore the comedy behind the bubbling prego belly. My favorite Disney movie is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. My town's population never changes. -. Whats a pregnant ladys excuse for refusing to do something? When does a joke become a dad joke? 99. "You're ready." It was impossible to put down. She was having a midwife crisis. My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? Suddenly she replied: Me too. Take your wife, hire a young secretary and go on a trip for two to three months. But when I told my parents I was pregnant, we talked over the options and decided it was far better to have a couple of bastards in the family than a lawyer". I asked my husband to place the Oreos where I couldnt reach them.? Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy? What do a pregnant woman and a burned cake have in common? Is there any reason for a husband to be in the delivery room while his wife is in labor? A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, Do you have any last requests? Yes, replies the murderer. 24. It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend. Should you have any concerns about your health, or of that of your baby or child, please consult with It just changes the color of the baby. But apparently, theres more to the plan than that. 39. 88. "I think I am pregnant." As she died, she kept telling us to be positive, but its hard without her. [cry]" He impatiently squeezes my hand. *9 months later* Wife: My water broke! Whether their own or that of others. 79. is the second coming?" 89. I'm really happy that my prayer worked. There was a pregnant girl about 8-9 months asking for donations. A man married to a mermaid. A pregnant woman went to an astrologer. What does a pregnant woman say when you tell her leggings are not pants? When telling jokes of any kind, there is something magical about the simplicity with which they can come together. Theres a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started. The doctor says: How old are you, sir? And who do you suspect? 7. They both have manholes. When it leaves and never comes back. Then she: Bastard, you wont marry. Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a tyrant. He never missed a shot. 30. The pregnant wife said to her husband: I hope you dont want to attend the birth? 23. Moreover, if you felt guilty about laughing at some of these jokes, then you need to worry even less. ", Paddy says to Mick, She hasnt opened her present yet. The nurse shakes her head and says, "I'm sorryI don't understand." Then Ann replies: So what? "Hi disappointed, I'm dad." Those little things that you know you shouldnt like or do, but do anyway. The main thing is that it should be negative. Laughter is the best medicine, and jokes are the most effective administration method. She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant! You will laugh, and you will feel mildly guilty for it, and then you will laugh again. 2 years later I went camping at Yellowstone and my wife got pregnant again. The following collection of dark jokes all share either a conversation simplicity or an association with food. Six months later, the old man comes to visit the doctor: Thank you so much, doctor! 46. "I like that. Theres always someone telling you what to do. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. People are just dying to get in. What better way to calm the nerves than to listen to some light jokes about pregnancy? Like a fart in church, knowing you shouldnt makes it that much harder to resist. What do you call inexpensive circumcision? 72. Leave us a comment below! I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! My parents are the worst. Morbid humor would be saying one baby in ten trashcans. We all have guilty pleasures. What do you call it when two flowers have a surprise pregnancy? Some are simple, and others are of a far darker tone. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you" New Mother: "My brother named them? Doctor: Denise. Grandpa needs water! 97. Then I made pizza because they dont live in a swing state. Then, her other daughter walked into the room and she said, "Mom, I was peeing and a bullet came out." Who named them?" Turns out, books about womens rights shouldnt go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section. Are you growing a human? Let me tell you a story. I was really surprised when I found out that a kid made them. Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. She clearly isn't a fan of protection. Ans: Depends on what youre doing with them. You have no idea how much pain a woman endures during birth." 95. Give a man a match, and hell be warm for a few hours. The toilet is your home now. 52. Give a man a match, and hell be warm for a few hours. He laughs at jokes about blacks being lazy, ugly, and unintelligent. After a while, she leaned over and asked, Which one is yours?. The old man said, That's stupid! A football player showers. 64. Is this a normal craving? Wife: What did the fertility doctor say? Wife: Certainly. They made for devilishly uncomfortable reading. Funny Comebacks to Say Having to sing Wheels on the Bus 20,000 times a day. They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals. A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. If at first, you dont succeed then skydiving definitely isnt for you. - "But we **don't** have any child !" Ans: Why, yesin that its completely natural to take drugs to alleviate excruciating pain! A wife asked her husband: Who is that screaming there so loud? Although a joyous occasion, pregnancy can be a bit stressful and nerve-wracking. I'm not sure what she's talking about. Shes not ready yet. Three-year-old: Wife: Three-year-old: Babies are lazy. Im never having kids, they take 9 months to download!, Take the toothpaste and go brush in the room, I have to pee! *1 minute later* WHEREs THE TOOTHPASTE?!. Ans: Your breasts after your baby stops nursing cold turkey. So, she told her daughter the story. Heads, shoulders, knees, and toes. An old nobleman comes to the doctor: Doctor, I married a lovely young lady six months ago, but she cant get pregnant. I should not be allowed to operate heavy equipment, including iPhones. Olivia Wilde, I had this thing for Entenmanns chocolate donuts. He replied: Well, what are you. 58. But nothing happened to me, nothing happened. "DeNephew.". Then she replies: I dont care.