I love that you are into mountain biking! is how this has been explained to me, and it makes perfect sense. If you want to push them to just say why they want to know, ask. Thank you for a better way to ask this question. What about you?. I was never taught that was the correct answer. The week after is all good. There are several possible moves in response to this gambit. This meme will hilarious remind them. My answer to this question is almost invariably Not sure yet, why? or Havent quite decided, how about you?, This might elicit a Well I was just wondering if youd like to to which I will respond, That sounds better than what I was planning, count me in or Hmm, thanks for thinking of me but I dont think Ill be able to this time. So I said, Dont do this. Your kids are loud. It sounds to me like an attempt to take away my ability to say no. This is such a common question, and I have a memory like a sieve, and once or twice replied Nothing much and accepted invitations which ended up double booking myself. What is the stuff?? Although I do the opposite: Im ALWAYS busy/have to work, when certain people ask. Cause you dont have to find out if Im busy BEFORE inviting me to something or asking me for a favor. I completely get anything to do with joint maintenance of shared space responsibilities for shared spaces need to be clearly shared out and individuals need to do their share. Of course, what you do will be just as big of a surprise for you as it will be for them. "Spend some time this weekend on home improvement. No.. She asked me if we were doing anything on a certain day and I was like I cant think of what it is right now but we are definitely doing something that day. She then mentioned a big thing that was on in town this week and yes, that was in fact the thing that we were going to, so I was like Yes! Then they can ask for details to make up their minds, or just shut you down with a no of preferred firmness if the event doesnt appeal. What are you up to? for those I am not interested in carving out space for.). I chitchat with cashiers so its totally fine to say something like, Ah, gosh, so crazy today I got a flat tire and Im just grabbing something easy for dinner. In other words if you have the time and energy to construct a lowkey, mildly entertaining story then go for it, otherwise just stick with Great, how are you? and you can let the conversation drop from there. I think it depends a lot on context. If anyone else runs into this, Im not free on Saturday, so Ill see you some other time! is a perfectly polite and respectful response. OMG yes! Always? Paris color stylo eye shadow neon skirt Paris color riche le stylo eye shadow bronzed How much vitamin c does a clementine have Loreal paris color riche stylo smoky eye avant azure What to get a guy for valentine's day Paris stylo smoky eye shadow hollywood Why is friendship better than relationship Desculpa para sair mais cedo do trabalho View Each Day as an Opportunity, Not an Obligation, Everything That You Can't do Because You Have Kids. Might I suggest a they or a xie, my friend. Want to go to the turnip festival with me or are you busy? Well, Im not busy but I also dont want to go to any turnip festival ever. Follow. If youre female and you answer, and then he decides your time sounds like it should be at his disposal and asks for a date, and you dont want to go, now youre stuck in that ugly probabilistic space where various sorts of threats, anger, and violence may be coming at you. It is really really worth it for people in all possible situations to understand being ethical as something you need to work on and not as something you already are by default and need no guidance and no dialogue for. Thanks! D- Dearest relaxing days. How are you? As far as I can tell both we should hang out sometime/lets have lunch and yeah, we should can translate to you are a nice person I have run into on the street or to I want to see you, lets make plans.. That takes some skill. I read that post all the time. I kind of resent that you assume I will tell you. So when I get a what are you doing after work Friday? text halfway through work on Thursday just tell me what youre going to suggest in the same message. Add me as another one for Why? or Why do you ask? Because Ive discovered the people who ask what Im doing are usually people who want to ask me to do something they know I wont want to do (usually. My current boss is a total jerk. Then one day I said to her you know, when you ask me my plans without saying what youre thinking of, it makes me really nervous because it feels like signing a blank cheque, and she said oh no, that wasnt my intention at all, I didnt want to make you feel bad by suggesting things if youre already busy and now if she wants to suggest a thing, she tells me straight off what the thing is. I also agree that this is a loaded question and it also makes me on edge when someone I do not know that well asks it. And I think for online dating purposes Im going to assume #2 unless I get significant evidence otherwise. [Reposting because it looks like my first comment was eaten.]. Me? The fact that LW is this bugged about it shows theres a problem and the parent is being manipulative. because sometimes we have plans that cant change. I think it can also be a way of getting to know a person, or the kind of small talk that people in some regions feel they HAVE to make if they want to be polite. Neighbor! On the other hand, there are the problem/dominance-related ones: 1. heres what i dont get: why would it be a problem, in the scenario youve given, to say, eh, i wish, but im swamped this week, shitYXZs been happening, ill ping you next week tho. Except LW specifically said that with the peer-friends who are not using it as entrapment, LW doesnt find it problematic at all. My ILs do this. Shes asked like this a few times. Re #1, true that. I might hang out with some friends on Sunday. )in a way that seems to be back firing. When I am planning an event I usually offer a description of what I have planned first and then we move to scheduling but most of that is done in social media or by e-mail these days. Always always have a plan I forgot about until next day. men. I also find why do you ask? really handy as a polite way to signal someone is being nosy. But it can still be frustrating to deal with. (Like, Im the kind of introvert who is good with people but I know a few who are just exhausting and who drain my battery super quickly), Could you have a conversation with her about, Were gonna have to schedule when all of our kids are walking to school. I dont have strong preferences but I do get hangry, so Ive learned to step up and be the Designated Control Freak. Why not set up a rent in dollars or set hours of work, and have done? Some people here do not really do much small talk, so even asking How are you? might lead to a long description of ones health. If I say why and she responds with something easily done another time or only sort of appealing, Ill judge it against a nice evening of doing nothing and maybe pass. In fact, you probably have all of these thoughts when a guy asks, "What are you doing this weekend?". The bigger words you use, the better. Funny Answers to How Are You Doing? What are you doing Thursday is a way to start a convo gently and without losing face, giving the answerer has the option of answering negatively, positively, or neutrally. It's time to break the silence and let her know that she shouldn't be nosing into your business when her life isn't anything special. BLah, I realized I didnt finish the thought, I suppose that before I started responding that way they thought I was sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark.. Jumping from Are you doing anything on the 3rd? to I need to know if youre coming on the 3rd so I know how many pies to bake! would be really confusing. I particularly enjoyed the bergamot top notes in the. If you cant imagine feeling the same way as the LW, that doesnt make the LWs feelings bad or less-than. Me: Working. It sort of came to a head last week when I was on the toilet, and the kid came to the door, and my kid answered the door, and the conversation was like YOU WILL NEVER FORGET THIS VIDEO. Yup. Where I live, in Sweden, you can ask your family, friends, coworkers etc How are you? and the reply would typically be somewhere between Its good and Im a litte tired because the baby has a cold, but otherwise things are good, but never Kind of bad, my depression is making life really dark right now (at least not when used as a small-talk question). Its like theyre trying to help you come up with justifications for saying no before they even ask you the question. Which is why weve all learned to use our words, though it takes some learning and there are still occasional misunderstandings. Thankfully, the discomfort is mostly on my end at this point. You know, I just had a *very* amusing misunderstanding with a facebook friend who was ranting about MLM (which I thought was the wlw type of MLM). You an also use it to deflect people like the commenters who are entirely not malicious, because it can serve the same purpose of filling small talk, providing a topic of easy conversation, and/or signaling that you are busy but flexible to people you actually like. Id like to get you to take out the trash.), There *is* a certain amount of call on her time that I -do- feel entitled to (she lives in my home, not hers; shes a member of my family). Theres a great body of research on the pileup of mental stress on the interrupted person, and the habit encourages the interrupter to indulge in constant watching and judging of how another adult spends their R&R downtime, which isnt good for the interrupter either, since it breeds resentment, often of a very petty kind. I get that. , I am in a cat trance. An alternative then is to actually mention the fact that you are sending them an email. Its the best. And Im sorry for that. Im in my late 50s and, frankly, my plans for the weekend are likely to be boring to this younger inquirer. Im an introvert that needs enough time in my week for quieter things around my own home without people. Accompany your morning treating with a Halloween wish. But, in the long run, in my life, I think the conflict over emotional labor and fair division of chores, while sometimes painful and frustrating, was something we were able to move past when I moved out because I never felt unsafe. How about you? might be more the way to communicate what you have in mind. I get what are you doing this weekend? or just what are you doing? on a Saturday morning. This auto-reply is just to let you know. (Rememberif she had specific other plans, thats a reasonable excuse. But I think its disingenuous? Him: Good. For small talk, I like to ask questions where the answer can be simple. RT @h_miller76: Had you asked me what I'd be doing this weekend a long time ago, I would have said the NFL Combine. That would feel like a very odd response if I were making small-talk with the question. Id also add that when youve lived in a place for years and are planning to stay, like I am in my husbands home country, it gets very tiring to have everyone assume youre just visiting or that youre an international student and will be gone soon. For example, when Sean Hayes started to sing "beautifully" on the show, Ellen said, "Ok, we have to take a break.". Probably so he can finish the conversation with enjoy [fun thing]. We were asking about things they like or dont like about America compared to the countries they grew up in. They know this. My husbands family is large and I generally love them, but sometimes I just do not want to eat little smokies and chips with 40 other people in a loud house with tons of screaming children. See also: people who wont pick a restaurant, when the answer to every question is whatever you want.***. Thinking of seeing [movie]. Boy, do I need it. Him: Doing anything fun today? Do not copy, print, or repost entire posts elsewhere without written permission. Things have a funny way of working out. 96 views, 2 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 2 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from J.Cano: Law & Order: SVU - Best Episode This is about the blandest, most banal small talk question I can think of.). Here are some of the most humorous replies to "How are you?" Table of contents: I'm Better on the inside than I Look on the outside Can't Complain. And then when you part somebody accidentally says love you, too. Thats how it always happens for me, anyway. Giving my turtle a haircut. I understand theyre looking for an ice breaker, but its not that interesting to talk about Ill probably get to laundry if Im not too lazy. I wish there was another common conversation starter among people you already know. Im not talking about not dealing with this. Where are you from is often followed by no, where are you REALLY from which seeks to establish that you are a foreigner. Its funny I dont even register the question How are you? (Ive lived equal times on the West and East coasts of the US), but I see a couple of UK commenters upthread and when I lived there I never, ever got used to You alright? which, functionally, isnt that different. Ive noticed that sometimes when coworkers as me what Im doing theyre really just politely trying to start a conversation about the weekend so they can tell me all about their exciting weekend plans. that kind of thing), whereas work is seen as almost virtuous, as my family holds work/money in high regard, and my hours are unusual enough that no one can remember what they are. Other commenters have given great scripts. "It's going well.". This business of hanging on to parental authority as a form of rent, however, has already damaged your relationship, from what youre saying. This reminds me of a post the Captain did on Freeing Yourself from Constant Contact with people calling all the time. *drops a house on MLM guy*, Heh. Justit can be a lot sometimes. If you want! @Kacienna: Im saying that because in other posts, people have literally advocated for saying just No, thanks! to an overture like We should get coffee sometime. And I mean that is not just going to burn bridges, that is going to blow them up, and not just with the person youre speaking toits going to look Super Off to observers and cost you with them as well. This is a great one because it invites the other person to tell you something that they want to share. My nightmare would be something like this: Them: My 6 year old daughter and her class are putting together a full rundown of the classic opera La Traviata in the original Italian and itll end at 11PM on a weekday. Question bugs me too, so I figured out some noncommittal answers that hit the tennis ball back into the askers court where it belongs. (Im a lady dating ladies btw, if thats relevant, though I have also dated men before and my experience is definitely colored by some of the emotional labor / potential gender-related danger issues some of the commenters pointed out thats spot on). It almost feels like if they just sneak up on me with some super fun plans I might say yes more often. The Captains advice is great. Theyre private and you dont need to know them. Sadly its never QUITE a lie, hahaha. Could be specific to where I am, though. Just treating it as a question of not disclosing/being private is entirely the wrong approach. As I explained, however, sometimes responding to a compliment requires a funny response. Thats not an uncommon experience. They dont really need the details, and wouldnt know what to do with them. Im pretty thoughtful about when I feel Im entitled to expect her participation, and when Im not. If it is in fact a lead up to an invitation or request I can always either find room for it or say I dont have time. Since the question what are you doing this weekend? has, like, 18 possible meanings, many of which *can* involve power plays, it just breaks my brain. I mean, what else are you supposed to do with life? At least once I figured out that they genuinely *didnt* need to know anything about me if they were going to behave that way I could default to oh my god Im so busy! Its tiring. Fine, thanks, and you? As a young black woman in the US, she of course had been steeped in spotting such people her whole life. Theres always some kind of obligation, because theyre my parents and I love them and I want to honor what theyve done for me in giving me a great life. Plus they have the freedom to say Nah, cant on Saturday, but Im free Friday or whatever. Number 6 is my answer to " why don t u want to have kids ? And it is really freaking wearing on them that people in the UK will correct them if they say theyre British. I think a more appropriate reaction would be to apologize once, politely, then go away and process what I did wrong by myself. Not least of which, I never felt obligated to pick up on any of his hints ever again. Alternately, I am sleeping the whole weekend. What are you doing Saturday? might be an attempt to be extra polite about making an invitation, but it only works if the person wants to accept, and its only necessary if the person is too shy to say no. And take LWs at their word, maybe? Thats a great answer! Gah, I still worry though, like Blueberry Pancaaakes said about her sister, what if she cancels plans she needed or would have enjoyed?
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